If you’re going home for the holidays with your partner, you might think that your sex life has to be put on pause. After all, you’ll probably be crammed in a guest room—or your childhood bedroom—right next to your parents’ room and, well, sex can be loud for all sorts of reasons. But what if your sex life doesn’t have to go cold like the weather outside even if your parents are sleeping next door? The solution is fairly simple—have sex quietly.
“Recent worldwide searches for the term ‘quiet sex’ highlight an increase of 156% in the last 30 days demonstrating that it’s a common issue,” sex and relationship expert Charlotte Johnson at Mega Pleasure says. “In fact, quiet sex can sometimes be much more intimate and exciting for those involved, as it becomes a secret in itself and something only you and your partner can enjoy.”
Sex experts share their best tips below for the best way to have sex quietly at home during the holidays.
Choose your clothes wisely
According to Lovehoney sex educator expert Javay Frye-Nekrasova, the first thing to think about is the outfit.
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“I always recommend wearing a dress or skirt if you are going to try and do anything at a function or event,” she says. “It is also helpful to wear crotchless panties or lingerie for quickness.”
In this case, a good position for quietness, Frye-Nekrasova says, is going to be the lap sit. “This is when one person sits in a chair or on the edge of the bed, and the other person sits on their lap, and they are both looking in the same direction, out,” she describes. “The partner on top will use their partner’s legs or the edge of the chair for leverage to add some movement to the sex.”
Location is everything
Before you do the deed, Frye-Nekrasova recommends choosing the room farthest away from where the bulk of people are. “If you choose to use a bathroom, always go for a full bath over a half bath so that you have a little more space,” she says. Another tip? Use the different items in the bathroom to help in silencing. “Having sex on the bath mats (be that kneeling or just standing) can help minimize any sound. Hand towels and washcloths can be used as a gag to keep more noisy partners quiet,” she adds.
The bathroom is also prime location for having sex in the shower, which Johnson points out helps to reduce any noises during sex that would show indications, such as creaking of the bed, or thumping movements. “Most of the time, the noise coming from the shower pump/boiler, along with the water running, omits any noise from sexual activity,” she says, adding that shower sex is also known to help “enhance sexual pleasure, increasing lubrication and intimacy.”
Having sex in the car is another easy alternative for couples. “The car is somewhere away from the house and therefore away from any friends or family that you may have during the festive period,” Johnson says. “Ensuring the car that you have sex in is within private property and not visible to others, sex in the car might be the perfect technique to try.”
Create your own sex signals
Chances are you’ll be around your family members a lot during the holidays, whether you’re watching movies or eating meals together. So how do you discreetly make your “I’m horny now” sign known to your partner? Frye-Nekrasova recommends deciding on a secret move, like pulling on your ear or maybe putting your hair up into a ponytail, as a code way of telling your partner it is “go time.”
“You can also text a secret emoji to them,” she suggests. “You are going to want to choose a discreet emoji in case anyone sees your messages. You should give your partner some warning. Don’t just drag them into your childhood bedroom and try to start something if it wasn’t previously discussed because the nerves of being in your parents’ house can get to people.”
Another way to keep your sex life stealth is by getting used to telling some little white lies, such as making up a mini emergency that you and your partner need to discuss in private. The key, Frye-Nekrasova says, is to offer enough info so your family is not overly curious but enough details that they are like, “Oh, yeah, you should go handle that now.”
The sex positions to try
According to Johnson, the following sex positions are the “quietest” positions to use whenever and wherever you choose to have sex. “Additionally, practicing slower sex could be an ideal way to have sex at home a lot more quiet than usual,” she recommends. “Slowing down the pace of your sex, along with practicing oral rather than full intercourse allows for there to be a lot less movement and therefore less sound.”
“This sex position requires one partner to sit cross legged on the floor and the other partner to sit on top. This position is all about the up and down movement of the hips and reduces any loud or sudden movements of the legs or arms. This can also allow more kissing and thrusting due to the lock in movement, keeping noise low.”
“The 69 sex position is an oral sex position and is commonly known for being slightly more quiet than others. Doing this position but laying sideways will reduce even further movement and can be the perfect position for quiet sex. 69 entails a top-to-toe position giving oral sex to each other.”
“Missionary sex position is a very common position but also very effective in staying as quiet as possible. A lot of the control is given to the partner on top, and the tempo can be slowed down as you wish. This sex position is an easy one to attempt and usually gets the job done in a pleasurable way.”
“This position is similar to missionary, however, this time, laying down and reversed. This particular position is very quiet but also very comfortable. Spooning is a very sexual position as the cuddling technique allows for maximum intimacy for both involved.”
“Just like traditional doggy style, however, it is a lot slower to reduce any loud sounds. This involves one partner bent over and the other just behind. Doggy style is a common position to hit a woman’s G-spot, as well as a great way to keep both partners sturdy and in full control of any movement.”
What to do if you’re caught in the act
With all the hustle and bustle that comes with visiting family, it’s very possible that your parents could catch you in the act. So how do you handle the inevitable awkwardness and embarrassment? Frye-Nekrasova says you can handle it two ways. “Either own it and start a sex-positive conversation with your family to help normalize sex and express that you are a grown adult,” she suggests. “Or you can deny, deny, deny. Whatever you do, you and your partner may want to craft a story in advance in case you get caught.”
Johnson thinks the best thing to do is to try not to make a huge fuss of it, “as this way you are implying what you are doing is wrong, when really, it’s not, it’s just sometimes seen as not needed in the moment.” However, she suggests getting dressed and assessing the situation with pride but respect. “Maybe apologize that they had to find you having sex, however, do not dwell on the situation and try to get the conversation back to normal.”